becoming more aware

i'm becoming more and more aware of my inabilities. It's humbling and it's exhausting. school is difficult and the future is intimidating. right now i don't know how to write. it's rather simple but i think i've forgotten how. I've feel like I've had this mental block for the last 2 months and i'm ready to be done with it. I haven't had many opportunities to write but when I do i always wish for a more interesting topic and dissapoint myself by what i produce. i long for my hands to dance furiously on the keyboard, awakening my tired eyes and leaving the coffee beside me to grow cold. I long to be inspired and to be lost in words and ideas again. But i'm buried in classes with reading i struggle to grasp and drowning in understanding a language not my own... (i forget that school isn't all enjoyable and much of it is a fight)

this morning I started a paper about Christ' act of redemption in our lives and his constant faithfulness to someone as unfaithful and wishful as I. I wish for all sorts of things and forget the incredible reality of love i live in. This afternoon as I sit in a small cubicle in the back of the library I have been reminded by an article i've come across that even in my struggles to understand my assignments and even in my anxieties of the future, amidst my tired eyes, mental blocks, and cold coffee... i am blessed that i live in a glorious reality of an unfailing love and under the intentional and watching eye of my creator...

"Why am I so blessed? I am blessed, because in the most painful moment in human history, Jesus willingly subjected himself to the rejection of his father....In this unthinkable moment of substitution, the Trinity was torn apart as the Father turned away from the Son. Now, here's what you and I have to understand; Jesus was willing to suffer the horrible rejection of his Father so that you and I would never, ever have to experience it ourselves." -Paul Tripp

postbysienna.